Mixed Signals

Hang in with me here, I’ll get past the nostalgia I’m feeling and tell you about the weekend towards the end of this post.

Last week I heard an old song titled “Eighties Ladies.” That tells you how old it is - it’s talking about 1980 ladies not ladies in their 80s. Hopefully, the link will work and you can see and hear it on youtube by K T Oslin, who has just the right voice for it. I don’t know why it has stuck with me but it has. I sat at the kitchen table this morning, listening to it and crying softly. I seldom cry in front of John. I know, Ladies, I know. Crying is suppose to get girls/women all they want. That’s why I don’t cry in front of John. I don’t want things that way. Yet today I did cry with the song. John couldn’t even hear the words to the song so he didn’t really know what was going on - how could he when I didn’t myself? But he stood beside me, with his hand on my shoulder and that was enough.

Now, on to the title of this post, Mixed Signals. Smokey, one of John’s cats, has been outside the back door just waiting and watching for someone (John!) to come out but I’m the one who is in and out in the mornings so she’ll settle for me. She meows and lays down just until I can almost touch her and then she runs a few feet away. She so badly wants someone to touch her but can’t seem to feel safe enough to let them.

I couldn’t help but think how many people are like that - sending the mixed signal of touch me, my life, my heart, but just before the touch, they run for the security of the known, even if it’s loneliness or disconnection. There are times my hands are full and I can’t reach down to pet Smokey; there are times I’m too busy to pursue her past the initial time; there are times I just plain ignore her completely, engrossed in my own life.  I wonder how many times have I done the same with people?

I’m asking God to help me read through the mixed signals and to push through the initial rejection. Even I don’t like rejection most of the time but I shouldn’t let it stop me nor should I always take it personally. Maybe instead I can follow the person back to their safe area instead of expecting them to meet me in my safe area.

Now, on to this past weekend! It was a good conclusion to two weeks of intense work. By Friday I was all spent out. John hosted the Men’s Retreat here at Beulah Land and we worked doing major spring cleaning to get ready. No, we didn’t have to do everything we did but I love a good deadline to force clean out and spruce up chores.

I spent the weekend at a friend’s and came home in the mornings to milk and see my animals and smell/see/feel country  as the friend’s house was in town.  John handled everything here, including nighttime feedings, wonderfully. From what I heard the guys had a great time, ending with a sunrise service including communion on Sunday morning. They started at 6:00 am and were still going when I got here at 8:00.  The men came and went over the weekend as jobs and lives dictated but there were 11 men here at one time. Below are a few pictures of the event.

Favorite pass time - eating!

The guys spent time outside swimming in the pool, training tarantulas to stay out of the living areas, playing horseshoes and washoes as seen below. The younger set (aka ones who could stay up later) took the telescope in the front yard where there are no security lights to look at the stars.

They even did a science project - the infamous cell phones popping popcorn. Ask your guy if he was here, I’m not going to explain it.

It was an honor to have the Men here this weekend - they blessed the land, the animals, the gardens and most of all, us.

This entry was posted on June 15, 2010 at 09:43 am and is filed under Homestead living. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.